Friday, February 15, 2008

Deities and Irony Pt. 2 (**Warning: Black humor**)

As we first discussed last month, it appears that it is not only possible for Deities to understand and appreciate irony, but they have a sense of humor about it as well. (And let's not get into a discussion about my use of the plural Deities--it's for effect.)

Well . . . it's happened again. We have more proof. has the following report:

A LANDMINE blew up in the home of a religious cleric in southern Afghanistan, killing the mullah, two of his sons and two other men who had been preparing an attack, police said today.

The cleric's wife was critically wounded in the blast in their compound in the southern province of Helmand late yesterday, and a daughter was hurt, provincial police chief General Mohammad Hussein Andiwal said.

The bodies of the mullah and his two sons, both under 15 years old, remained at the site of the blast, he said.

Other people in the compound said two other men were killed but their bodies had been removed before police arrived, he said.

The group was likely associated with the Taliban, he said. The extremist militants are particular active in Helmand province, where they are said to be tied up with opium and heroin traffickers.

An insurgency by the Taliban, who were in government between 1996 and 2001, was its deadliest last year with more than 6,000 people killed, most of them rebels but including hundreds of civilians.

Just a side thought here: are these insurgents terrorists really that bad at math. The report cites "hundreds" of civilian deaths. Let's round that up to 1,000. That leaves 5,000 rebel terrorist deaths. That's 83%. That means 375,000 virgins waiting. Do none of these so-called men stop and say "Whoa, dude . . . . If we build this bomb, five of us in this room are going to die for every civilian we take out?" Has no-one crunched the numbers?, Are you mad, people? ARE YOU INSANE?!? Just from a logic point of view: (a) you're more likely to take out your buddies than an infidel and (b) where's the proof of the virgins?!? I mean, that's 375,000 virgins per year. That's one heckuva lot of virgins!

And let's not even discuss the fact that the "virgin promise" is non-gender specific. (Thank you to Jeff Dunham and Achmed the Dead Terrorist for bringing that point to light.)

Now, the report doesn't say this . . . but I understand from my research that the cleric had blue eyes.

One "blew" this way and one "blew" that way. (drum flourish).

I also understand that--despite what you would expect--the cleric and his sons were actually not thinking about their respective 75 virgins. That's right . . . the last thing to go through their collective minds?

Their feet! (drum flourish).

Thank you folks. Try the veal. I'll be here all week.

And don't forget to tip your waiter.

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