Tuesday, January 31, 2006


I came across a great quote today from the good ol' days of Saturday Night Live. I had almost forgotten just how funny the Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey segments really were.

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like ‘Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!’ and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, ‘That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.’ Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.

Just for fun, I may start carrying my own soldering iron in my briefcase.

My own 'soldering iron of justice.'

The marshals at the metal detectors may take issue with it though.

Then I'd just get real quiet.

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Monday, January 30, 2006

Precedent Misrepresented

So I was cleaning out my day planner this morning and came across a newspaper clipping I received from my brother back when I was a first-year law student. I don't know exactly to whom attribution is owing; I believe it was a filler blurb in the Salt Lake Tribune back in the early '90s.

Setting a Precedent: The reason we have so many lawyers in America has nothing to do with young professionals seeking prestige, wealth and influence. It has to do with us Baby Boomers watching all those lawyer shows when we were kids in the '50s--

"Perry Mason," "The Defenders," "Burke's Law."
After an evening of watching Raymond Burr bash the bad guys, we all wanted to study law.

So I started wondering today: If they had Perry Mason, whom do I have to blame? "Law & Order" hadn't yet arrived on the scene (but only barely). The answer is easy: "L.A. Law" and Ben Matlock.

That's right . . . I said Ben Matlock. Rumpled-up baby blue suit and all.

So . . . . How do I go about suing good ol' Jimmy Smits, Corbin Bernsen, or Andy Griffith for Fraudulent Misrepresentation of the Practice of Law? Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress?

Someone's gotta pay for this misery.

And I'm scared to think it may be my fault.

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Friday, January 27, 2006

Gentleman's Bar

Not likely. Not anymore, at least.

I received notice today that a client had retained another attorney to vacate an order of dismissal in their bankruptcy case. Their case had been dismissed because they alleged to me that they were current in their Chapter 13 payments, but they could never--or would never--turnover any proof of payments. I, therefore, could not provide proof to the Trustee. We had a hearing date set, but nothing came of it because of lack of proof.

My clients never said a word until their case had been dismissed nearly a month.

Then they pitched a tantrum...and then admitted it was their fault. They said they'd get back to us.

So the Motion to Vacate filed today? The other attorney lays all the blame directly on my shoulders.

It wouldn't bother me, except for the following:

  1. It didn't happen this way. (When it's my fault, I'll admit it to the judge.)
  2. I wouldn't have done it this way, and neither would 90% of the rest of the local bankruptcy bar. (We would have called the prior attorney, or at least taken the clients' story with a grain of salt--we hear "my former attorney did this or that" all the time. ALL THE TIME...and it means nothing at all.)
  3. Now I have my own motion being heard on the same calendar. (Yeah...couldn't bother to help THOSE clients...but I'm willing to help THESE clients. This ought to be fun!)

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Thursday, January 26, 2006

Morons are clients too!

Sometimes I think that the practice of law would be truly enjoyable if it wasn't for clients.

I have reached my daily limit: I am fed up with the utter lack of perception, common sense, and personal responsibility I see so often in my practice. How many people can honestly be confused about the idea that you cannot stay in a home when you're behind on mortgage payments? or the idea that their creditors are actually entitled, believe it or not, to receive some renumeration? Or even the idea that MY time and services are actually worth something? Sometimes, it is utterly unbelievable and it is always frustrating.

Maybe I should go sell pencils on the corner. Some days it would be much more fulfilling.

At least I'd be getting some sun....

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Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Legally Bankrupt

Greetings and welcome to my new blog.

I've resolved that in order to bring some sanity and calm to my otherwise insane and stress-filled life, I need an outlet--a creative outlet--that allows me to rant and vent and otherwise keep me from kicking the dog.

Yeah, that's not a PC thing to say, but I tend not to be too PC. It's not a conscious effort; it just happens that way. Am I overtly offensive? No. But I won't go out of my way to keep your feel-bads from hurting.

It's hoped that this will be a place to get my creative juices flowing...so watch where you step. No one likes to step too much in another's juices.

It may not mean much to others. but I hope occasionally to be able to provide some unique little insights into life as I see it.

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