In Memorium: Ray Bradbury (1920-2012)

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"The great fun in my life has been getting up every morning and rushing to the typewriter because some new idea has hit me. The feeling I have every day is very much the same as it was when I was twelve. In any event, here I am, eighty years old, feeling no different, full of a great sense of joy, and glad for the long life that has been allowed me. I have good plans for the next ten or twenty years, and I hope you'll come along." --Ray Bradbury

Sam Weller, Bradbury's biographer, quoted Bradbury as saying he would sometimes open one of his books late at night and cry out thanks to God.

"I sit there and cry because I haven't done any of this," he told Weller. "It's a God-given thing, and I'm so grateful, so, so grateful. The best description of my career as a writer is, 'At play in the fields of the Lord.' "

Me again: What an amazing outlook. Can you imagine if we all had this kind of perspective on our work?

Farenheit 451, The Martian Chronicles, Something Wicked This Way Comes, Dandelion Wine, The Illustrated Man, "The Fog Horn": all works that have influenced my thinking and have stuck with me since I first read them. ("The Fog Horn" was adapted into the movie The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms.) He even penned the screenplay for John Huston's version of Moby Dick and wrote for The Twilight Zone.

I can still remember, for example, how I felt the first time I read The Martian Chronicles and came across the "twist" that threw the astronauts for a loop--if you've read it, you'll know what I mean. Only later did I read the book again and realize the deeper social issues that Bradbury was trying to convey. Obviously, as a book-lover, you can imagine what Farenheit 451 has always done for me.

His biographer was quoted today on the news that "a star has gone out of the Universe." The sky is certainly a bit darker today.

I would like to think that he's on Venus right now, riding his way across the face of the Sun (from our perspective).

Thank you, Mr. Bradbury, for everything.

Orrin Hatch: Beneath the Cowl

"With experience comes strength...There's a crisis of leadership in Washington."

"I want to see the...end of the need for a Sagebrush Rebellion during my last term in the Senate."
--Senator Orrin Hatch, Utah


"It is with great reluctance that I have agreed to this calling. I love democracy. I love the Republic. Once this crisis has abated, I will lay down the powers you have given me!"

"From here, you will witness the final destruction of the Alliance and the end of your insignificant rebellion."
--Senator Palpatine, Naboo


I am Senator Palpa...err...Hatch...and I approve this message.


Note: technically speaking, Orrin has been in office longer than Palpatine. Orrin was elected to his position in 1976, before Star Wars was first released. The Emperor made his first appearance on screen in 1980 in The Empire Strikes Back.

Note²: Try as I might, I could not find a single quote from Senator Hatch expressing his love of either Democracy or the Republic. Hmm.

Jotting Tittles: Governor Jar-Jar and Paranormal TV

I realized it had been nearly a month since I had checked in here, so I thought I would emerge from my post-Noel hibernations. Actually, it was a combination of logging on to the internet and watching TV this morning that spurred me on to a couple of brief observations.

First up, I saw a Yahoo! News teaser on the "worst people of the year." In that teaser story was this picture of Former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. My first thought was "Who IS that?" My second thought was: "Look at that freaking wattle!" And then my third thought made me do a quick internet search. Tell me these two were not separated at birth.... Maybe it is just me but the Governator looks distinctly Gungan to me. If you still cannot see it, look at Arnie's neck and mouth. He's Gungan with hair. And sunglasses.

Second up: I came downstairs and found the Horde watching something called "Destination Truth" on the SyFy Channel. [Aside: I trust I am not the only one out there that STILL cannot stand the 'new' spelling of their channel name. I keep wanting to call it the 'Sissy Channel.' Of course, the stupid spelling somewhat indicates the quality of their made-for-TV movies. I love 'B' movies and monster movies as much as the next man, but that dreck is purely unwatchable.] Apparently this "Destination Truth" is another in a long line of what I call "Paranormal Television." As much as I would love to believe that creatures like the Sasquatch are out there somewhere, I find it impossible to call this brand of television "Reality Television." [Aside: I suppose that for accuracy's sake I should say that the technical term for these creatures is 'cryptids.' And now you know.]I sat and absorbed this television peripherally, from the Sasquatch They hunt to the hunt for the Ahool to the hunt for a massive 8' x 3' eel-like creature in the Philippines. As I watched I asked myself a question: "Do these people really believe in what they're doing? Really?" It is the same question that I ask when I see an advertisement for a ghost-hunter series. "Really? They're spending money on this?" But then I had a realization. Just once, I would love to see one of these cryptids (or spirits) actually exist and come out of the dark (because these people are always filming with night-vision cameras) and just bite the face off of one of these "investigators." Chomp. That's all. Ratings boost. SyFy wins credibility. Instead, I am reminded of Dean Yaeger's comments from Ghostbusters:

Dr. Venkman, we believe that the purpose of science is to serve mankind. You, however, seem to regard science as some kind of "dodge" or "hustle." Your theories are the worst kind of popular tripe, your methods are sloppy and your conclusions are highly questionable. You're a poor scientist, Dr. Venkman, and you have no place in this department or in this University.

Third up: The New Years' celebration quickly approaches. As it does every year, the "year-end" countdowns and "best-ofs/worst ofs" have begun to fill the airwaves. I am compelled to ask: Am I the only one that is utterly and completely IRRITATED this crap? I loathe these programs. I detest them with a passion. I dislike them even more than I do the "human interest filler" stories on the local news. I cannot believe they have any use or value other than to kill time and keep writers and producers from actually doing their work and writing real stories. Ugh. Thank heavens for the DVD collection. I think I will wear out the DVD player between now and Sunday.

Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble. Feel free to leave me your own thoughts. I will try and check back in before the last year-end countdown airs. If I do not connect with you again, may I extend to you my hopes that your Christmas was wonderful, that your New Year will be prosperous, and thank you for your readership and friendship. Shalom and God Bless.

NPR's Top 100 Fantasy & Sci-Fi Books

I found this in a round-about way through the blogosphere as I think I would bleed out through the eyes if I were forced to listen to NPR for more than 35 seconds. You can find a printable version of the list here. Apparently 60,000+ voted on this list; it's an interesting list.
NPR's Top 100 Fantasy/SF books
1. The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy, by J.R.R. Tolkien - Read over and over.
2. The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, by Douglas Adams - Read over and over.s times; love it.
3. Ender's Game, by Orson Scott Card - Read over and over.
4. The Dune Chronicles, by Frank Herbert - I read Dune and simply could not go any further with the series.
5. A Song Of Ice And Fire Series, by George R. R. Martin - Reading now.
6. 1984, by George Orwell - Read over and over.
7. Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury - Read over and over.
8. The Foundation Trilogy, by Isaac Asimov - Read the series twice.
9. Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley - I have always intended to read this, but have never gotten around to it.
10. American Gods, by Neil Gaiman - Read, but did not enjoy overmuch.
11. The Princess Bride, by William Goldman - Read over and over.
12. The Wheel Of Time Series, by Robert Jordan - Read up to book 9 twice, but cannot seem to get any further.
13. Animal Farm, by George Orwell - Read it.
14. Neuromancer, by William Gibson - Read it.
15. Watchmen, by Alan Moore - Read it.
16. I, Robot, by Isaac Asimov - Read it.
17. Stranger In A Strange Land, by Robert Heinlein - Read several times.
18. The Kingkiller Chronicles, by Patrick Rothfuss - Read the first one twice; found it quite enjoyable.
19. Slaughterhouse-Five, by Kurt Vonnegut - No interest in reading it.
20. Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley - Read over and over.
21. Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?, by Philip K. Dick - Read it.
22. The Handmaid's Tale, by Margaret Atwood - No interest in reading it.
23. The Dark Tower Series, by Stephen King - Could not make it through book #3.
24. 2001: A Space Odyssey, by Arthur C. Clarke - Read it.
25. The Stand, by Stephen King - Read over and over.
26. Snow Crash, by Neal Stephenson - Never read it.
27. The Martian Chronicles, by Ray Bradbury - Read it several times.
28. Cat's Cradle, by Kurt Vonnegut - No interest in reading it.
29. The Sandman Series, by Neil Gaiman - Never read it.
30. A Clockwork Orange, by Anthony Burgess - Forced to watch the movie in college; no interest in reading it.
31. Starship Troopers, by Robert Heinlein - Read over and over.
32. Watership Down, by Richard Adams - Read it.
33. Dragonflight, by Anne McCaffrey - Read it.
34. The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress, by Robert Heinlein - Read it several times.
35. A Canticle For Leibowitz, by Walter M. Miller - Never read it.
36. The Time Machine, by H.G. Wells - Read it several times.
37. 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, by Jules Verne - Read it several times.
38. Flowers For Algernon, by Daniel Keys - Read it several times.
39. The War Of The Worlds, by H.G. Wells - Read it several times.
40. The Chronicles Of Amber, by Roger Zelazny - Never read it, but want to read it.
41. The Belgariad, by David Eddings - Read it; not his best work, in my opinion.
42. The Mists Of Avalon, by Marion Zimmer Bradley - Never read it.
43. The Mistborn Series, by Brandon Sanderson - Read it twice (so far).
44. Ringworld, by Larry Niven - Read it several times.
45. The Left Hand Of Darkness, by Ursula K. LeGuin - Never read it.
46. The Silmarillion, by J.R.R. Tolkien - Never read it. (If I want to read something that reads like the Scriptures, I will read the Scriptures.)
47. The Once And Future King, by T.H. White - Read it.
48. Neverwhere, by Neil Gaiman - Never read it.
49. Childhood's End, by Arthur C. Clarke - Never read it.
50. Contact, by Carl Sagan - Read it.
51. The Hyperion Cantos, by Dan Simmons - Read it.
52. Stardust, by Neil Gaiman - Never read it.
53. Cryptonomicon, by Neal Stephenson - Never read it.
54. World War Z, by Max Brooks - Never read it.
55. The Last Unicorn, by Peter S. Beagle - Read it.
56. The Forever War, by Joe Haldeman - Never read it.
57. Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett - Never read it.
58. The Chronicles Of Thomas Covenant, The Unbeliever, by Stephen R. Donaldson - No interest in reading it.
59. The Vorkosigan Saga, by Lois McMaster Bujold - Never read it.
60. Going Postal, by Terry Pratchett - Never read it.
61. The Mote In God's Eye, by Larry Niven & Jerry Pournelle - Read it.
62. The Sword Of Truth, by Terry Goodkind - Read several of the first books.
63. The Road, by Cormac McCarthy - No interest in reading it.
64. Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell, by Susanna Clarke - Never read it.
65. I Am Legend, by Richard Matheson - Never read it.
66. The Riftwar Saga, by Raymond E. Feist - Read the first one.
67. The Shannara Trilogy, by Terry Brooks - Read it.
68. The Conan The Barbarian Series, by R.E. Howard - Read several of the books.
69. The Farseer Trilogy, by Robin Hobb - Read once. Ugh. Never again.
70. The Time Traveler's Wife, by Audrey Niffenegger - Never read it.
71. The Way Of Kings, by Brandon Sanderson - Never read it, but plan to do so.
72. A Journey To The Center Of The Earth, by Jules Verne - Read it.
73. The Legend Of Drizzt Series, by R.A. Salvatore - Read the first dozen; that is enough for me.
74. Old Man's War, by John Scalzi - Read it.
75. The Diamond Age, by Neil Stephenson - Never read it.
76. Rendezvous With Rama, by Arthur C. Clarke - Read it several times.
77. The Kushiel's Legacy Series, by Jacqueline Carey - Never read it.
78. The Dispossessed, by Ursula K. LeGuin - Never read it.
79. Something Wicked This Way Comes, by Ray Bradbury - Read it several times.
80. Wicked, by Gregory Maguire - No interest in reading it.
81. The Malazan Book Of The Fallen Series, by Steven Erikson - Read Book #1; no interest in going further.
82. The Eyre Affair, by Jasper Fforde - Never read it.
83. The Culture Series, by Iain M. Banks - Never read it.
84. The Crystal Cave, by Mary Stewart - Read it several times.
85. Anathem, by Neal Stephenson - Never read it.
86. The Codex Alera Series, by Jim Butcher - Read Books #1 and #2.
87. The Book Of The New Sun, by Gene Wolfe - Never read it.
88. The Thrawn Trilogy, by Timothy Zahn - Read over and over.
89. The Outlander Series, by Diana Gabaldan - Never read it.
90. The Elric Saga, by Michael Moorcock - Read a couple of them.
91. The Illustrated Man, by Ray Bradbury - Read it.
92. Sunshine, by Robin McKinley - Never read it.
93. A Fire Upon The Deep, by Vernor Vinge - Never read it.
94. The Caves Of Steel, by Isaac Asimov - Read it.
95. The Mars Trilogy, by Kim Stanley Robinson - Read Books #1 and #2.
96. Lucifer's Hammer, by Larry Niven & Jerry Pournelle - Read it several times. Took this book with me on my honeymoon, in fact.
97. Doomsday Book, by Connie Willis - Never ead it.
98. Perdido Street Station, by China Mieville - Read it once. Barely. Never again.
99. The Xanth Series, by Piers Anthony - Read the first sixteen.
100. The Space Trilogy, by C.S. Lewis - Read it.

It looks like I am at about 65%, give or take. There are some titles on there that probably should not be there, and there are some titles/authors that I think they missed. All told, however, it is an intriguing list; maybe one of these days I will take a weekend, sit down, and make my own list.

Yeah, in all my spare time.

Gaming Stuff for the Troops

Today I came across a terrific opportunity to help support the Troops.

Jason, a.k.a. The Action Point, is a combat veteran and an RPG Gamer. He is currently in the Inactive Ready Reserves, but is working as a contractor helping train the troops stationed at the Bagram Air Force Base in Afganistan on various vehicles--operation, repair, safety, efficiency, etc.

He is attempting to put together an organization to help similarly-minded troops have access to RPG gaming while overseas. In his words, he is "doing what I wish there had been someone to do when I was still in uniform, but never had the time or resources to do" himself.

The movement is picking up steam, largely from word-of-mouth. Even the "mighty" Wizards of the Coast have agreed to help, donating game materials from their Fourth Edition "Essentials" line of Dungeons & Dragons.

However, a lot of the "basics" still need to be supplied: miniatures, dice, game mats, etc.

If you go here: Bagram AFB Gaming Community you can read more about the movement to provide gaming supplies to our troops, including direct links to purchase said supplies.

To all my readers: please consider supporting the Bagram AFB Gaming Community. It does not matter whether you are a Gamer or not, it is a way for you to help support those troops who are, regardless of your political views, out there giving of their time, energy, and even their lives all the while living under Old Glory and fighting for Liberty. Above all, they are heroes themselves who deserve a little bit of escapism in their lives. I know several, and have lost friends and relatives in the cause.

Please: check out the above link for more information, or head over to THIS wishlist at Amazon.com to make a purchase and donation to the cause.

Yeah. I may be a geek. But I love the troops and think this is a terrific cause. Of course, nearly ANY opportunity to support our troops is a terrific cause.

The Awesomeness that is Brian Blessed

Nearly two years ago, I commented on my desire to see Mr. Brian Blessed play the role of Thorin in The Hobbit movie.

Nice to know I am not the only one to fully appreciate Mr. Blessed's work.

Unfortunately, at least according to IMDB, some idiot casting director seems to think Ron Perlman makes a better fit.

Excuse me? Ron Perlman? RON "BEAUTY AND THE BEAST" PERLMAN?!?

I think I threw up in my mouth just a little bit there.

My hope for the adequacity* of this movie just dropped a bit as well.

I blame Guillermo del Toro for this. I doubt it would have happened if we had Peter Jackson at the helm. Yeah. I am one of those that thinks he did not due a half-bad job on the trilogy. I know a lot of hard-core fanboys have a problem with his vision of Middle-Earth. I did not think he did a bad job at all; in fact, I think he did a pretty dang good job.

But this atrocity is not, cannot be, and hopefully will never be, Thorin Oakenshield. Hellboy? OK. But he is not a dwarf. He is not Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, King under the Mountain.

THIS is Thorin.

Or even this.








Heck, at this point I would even settle for Prince Vultan.

Yes. I went there.

Brian Blessed: he climbed Everest, played the Duke of Exeter in Henry V, and King Richard IV in Blackadder.

Now he deserves to be a dwarf.


(*adequacity: a term coined by WNYX's own Bill O'Neal.)

We Did It!

At 10:30 p.m. Monday it was official!

Myself, my LW, and three of the Horde all reached our NaNoWriMo goals. Between us there were over 136,000 words of fiction written in our little home over the past 30 days. That's over 4,500 words per day.

That is a lot of writing, typing, and creative energy.

There was some real garbage put out (at least on my part) but there was some really brilliant writing put out too (that would be my LW and the Hordelings).

There were dwarves, elves, and dragons. There were some detectives, some spaceships, and a little time travel thrown in. There was teenage angst and middle-aged regret. There was even some introspection done. There was definitely pain: mental, emotional, and physical. If I am not mistaken, there was also a visit from Yoda and a few other Star Wars characters.

Congratulations to my family! I am so proud of all of you!

...and somewhat relieved that November is over for another 11 months.

Which Character, Part II

You Scored as Gimli

Gimli = 83%

Gandalf = 67%
Boromir = 60%
Merry = 60%
Sam = 60%
Eomer = 57%
Frodo = 53%
Legolas = 50%
Aragorn = 47%
Saruman = 43%
Pippin = 43%
Gollum = 40%
Elrond = 30%
Sauron = 30%

Unfortunately this quiz gives you neither a picture of the character nor a description of qualities/personality traits. (I had to go searching for my own picture.) I would sure like to know which qualities I share with Gimli (or what qualities the test's algorythimic creator believes that I share with Gimli).

Oddly enough, Gimli is my favorite character. I will always believe that Peter Jackson performed an injustice by making Gimli the comic relief in the last two films, but there you have it. No-one asked me for my input.

I, for one, am proud to be connected in some small, insignificant, ridiculous way with such a stalwart hero.

"Baruk Khazââd! Khazââd ai-mêênu!"
('Axes of the Dwarves! The Dwarves are upon you!')

Which Character?

Yoda: A venerated sage with vast power and knowledge, you gently guide forces around you while serving as a champion of the light.

Judge me by my size, do you? And well you should not - for my ally is the Force. And a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us, and binds us. Luminescent beings are we, not this crude matter! You must feel the Force around you, everywhere.

Yoda is a is a character in the Star Wars universe. More Yoda information is available at the Star Wars Databank.

Quote of the Day -- August 19, 2009

They hate us with every fiber of their existence. We love freedom. We love independence -- to feel, to question, to resist oppression. To them, it's an alien way of existing they will never accept."
Adama, commander of the Battlestar "Galactica"

A deep and salient thought from the one and true Commander Adama regarding the reasons why the Cylons wish the subjugation and/or destruction of the human race. (Aside: From the original series, of course. Lorne Greene could whup Edward Olmos' behind with one arm tied behind his back any day of the week and twice on Saturdays.)

Bonus Quotes of the Day:
"Ma'am, trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room table. I have no interest in doing it." -- Rep. Barney Frank (D. Mass.), 2009.

"Drowning out opposing views is simply un-American.” -- Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D. Cal.), 2009.

"The Republicans, they have no interest in this Bill. They’re using the 1994 playbook. Let’s kill the bill and kill the president ... or, kill the president’s term. Although there are sort of angry people out there I get very nervous about this stuff. I don’t like it at all." -- Howard Dean (Nobody), 2009.

And this, I think, proves a fitting conclusion to today's post: A quote from our own Imperious Leader President:

"I don't want the folks who created the mess to do a lot of talking. I want them to get out of the way so we can clean up the mess." -- Pres. Barack Hussein Obama, 2009.

By your command... over my dead body.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

As far as I can tell, this Amendment is not party-specific.

So get your red-eyed, jack-booted robots SEIU/ACORN thugs out of my way and out of my countrymen's way and let us exercise our freedom.

Nope. Not Mighty Mouse!

I am sorry.

But even if it gets me put on a list somewhere, this is dang funny stuff.

Unfortunately, thanks to the state of the Country and the Future, it is probably close to being morbidly humorous (also known as "black humor" but I have to be careful about that term, don't I?).

Add to that the fact that, for many, he IS a Superhero.

Talk about a fantasy.

But I still have a First Amendment right, dagnabbit! So sit back and enjoy:

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NaNoWriMo 2008 - Update 2

Well, never let it be said that life cannot or will not intervene. I knew that November was going to be bad: busy bad, hectic bad, crazed bad. Here I am not even one-half way through and life has intervened whenever possible.

And my NaNoWriMo work is suffering for it.

As of bedtime last night (12:45 a.m. to be exact) I now find myself 7,716 words off-pace.

That's right. Just over four-and-one-half days behind (4.63--again, to be exact).

Life conspires to intervene. I thought I had planned well enough this year, even considering everything else going on in my life.

This is called, so I am told, "Adulthood."

Somehow, though, sitting at a desk wrangling legal issues through my brain all day makes me sufficiently tired and brain-deadened that when I arrive home I want nothing to do with the evil laptop sitting before me.

That's right. Evil.

EEEEEEE-vil. As in the froo-its of the Devil. (Thank you, Mike Myers.)

The blinking cursor mocks me.

The television goes on; I surf through ten channels of broadcast television. Nothing on. I surf through them again. And again. And again.

That's when my LW, who is also WriMo-ing, screams in frustration and tells me to turn off the television and write. She wants to inspire me, you know.

Of course, she's also 4,417 words ahead of me.

I try to read. Nothing satisfies; neither the sci-fi nor the fantasy novels on my nightstand interest me. The same with the biography. Ditto the history book. I even try the Scriptures...and find myself wondering how I could use some of the things I am reading and translate them into my novel.

That's not the best way to read the Scriptures, by the way. It is also not the best way or most conducive way to get anything out of them, learn from them, or feel the Spirit, necessarily.

That's when I start drinking: Soda, cola, water, lemonade, milk. Things of that nature. A few potato chips or peanuts to keep awake. Ultimately, I drag myself off to bed having written nothing.

Then there's the self-imposed guilt the next day. I think, "Where in my day could I steal an hour to pound out 1,000 words or so?" I feel guilty doing any work, thinking about how I could put that time to use on my NaNoWriMo word count.

Heck. I feel guilty even while writing this blog.

But life happens. Unfortunately, and despite our best laid plans. (Again, see "adulthood".)

(Now.... If I postponed two client meetings today until tomorrow, that's two hours I could have, all to myself....) Ahem. [cough cough]

UPDATE:
By the way, am I the only one that remembers the movie from which I borrowed the above picture? If anyone else can come up with the name of the movie, I would sincerely love to know about it, especially if you have actually seen the movie in question.

I think I am the only one of my friends that ever saw it, let alone enjoyed it. Talk about a movie geek. Sheesh.

Anyway, let me know if you know.

--Now back to working on my novel pleading.

UPDATE #2:

This is, by the way, 560 words that could have gone toward my NaNoWriMo. NOW who feels guilty, Hmmm?

Yep. Exactly.That's what I thought.

No one but me.

A New Lamp

I need a new lamp for my office desk. My brass-and-green-shade bankers' lamp from Law School has finally given up the ghost, I'm afraid.

This is what I want to get for a replacement:
They have aliens in different poses for the interior, and also feature a human abductee instead of the cow.

But what do you think? How could you NOT trust an attorney with this on his desk?

Not only that, but it's Politically Correct: These are, after all, illegal aliens taking cows that Americans just don't want. How can they be bad?

Book Review: Shaman's Crossing

Shaman's Crossing by Robin Hobb.

I tried to like it. Really I did. I wanted to enjoy it, immerse myself into the world.

Instead, every page felt like a chore, every paragraph took great effort to work through.

Robin Hobb captivated me with her Farseer Trilogy. Assassin’s Apprentice, Royal Assassin, Assassin’s Quest--I loved them. I liked the characters, I felt as if I knew the world, had walked the streets, smelled the smells, heard the sounds.

The world of the Soldier Son Trilogy felt completely alien. It felt false to me.

It’s not that she cannot write; she can, and does it well. It was the alien nature of the world and the pacing. I could not see where she was going with the characters. I did not like the characters and I certainly was not vested in them.

I did not care about them one whit.

Jerky.

That’s the feeling for which I’ve been searching: jerky. It felt jerky. Not disjointed--well, maybe a bit--but just plain jerky. Like a 15-year-old boy trying to drive a car with a racing clutch. The story jerked and halted in fits and starts until I just could not take it any longer.

I finally rescued my bookmark from the middle of the book and the book went back on the “library book” shelves in the front room. If I run out of reading material before it is due back to the library, who knows? I may pick it up again and plow through to the end. I may even find something entirely surprising and enjoyable in the process.

But saying that I ran out of reading material? That’s like saying the Rocky Mountains ran out of rocks.

Don’t get me wrong; I’ll try Ms. Hobb again. I can’t wait to start the Tawny Man Trilogy. Plus, the Farseer Trilogy has made it onto the “I liked it when I read it from the public library so I’m willing to spend money on buying the book and adding it to my own shelves” list.

Maybe I'll try again in a year or so to pick up Shaman's Crossing again. Maybe I just read myself out of the mood.

Maybe.

But it'll be a while.

What have I got in my pocket?

The news is all over the 'net today--I got the word from E! Online

The acclaimed British thespian, [Sir Ian McKellen,] who, as the wizard Gandalf the Grey, helped shepherd Frodo Baggins through a perilous journey in Peter Jackson's The Lord of the Rings trilogy, has announced he will reprise his Academy Award-nominated role for the hugely anticipated Hobbit prequels.

I can breathe a sigh of relief now. NO-ONE could play Gandalf other than Sir Ian.

Word is, Andy Serkis has also signed up to reprise his role as Gollum.

Now...they just have to make sure and get Sir Ian Holm to once again don his waistcoat and come back as Bilbo Baggins. Like Sir Ian M. and Gandalf, I'm not convinced that any one else could pull off Bilbo.

While I'm glad that Peter Jackson and Fran Walsh will once again be involved, I certainly wish they were directing, rather than simply Executive Producers. I have heard rumors that they have negotiated EXTENSIVE control over script, etc., but until I see it, I won't believe it. It would take a special director to relinquish that kind of control to a producer, I think. Without that control--in fact, without Jackson at the helm--I'm not at all convinced that the Lord of the Rings magic can be repeated.

Now, Guillermo del Toro has agreed to direct. I haven't seen enough of his work to know whether or not I approve. I enjoyed Hellboy, but that's the only thing I've seen. I don't like subtitles, so I haven't seen Pan's Labyrinth and I do not think I've seen any of the other projects listed on his IMDB page. I WILL say that it couldn't be worse than the previously-rumored "Sam Raimi as director" potential.

Gaaak. Wouldn't that have been horrible?

I'll hold my breath and hope that del Toro and the Jackson/Walsh team can work some literary/cinematic magic. It would help to get the same visual effects and supporting crew from the Lord of the Rings movies. That's doubtful, however, because of the sour taste they're sure to have from prior dealings with New Line Cinema.

Which brings me to the riddle:
This thing all things devours:
Birds, beasts, trees, flowers:
Gnaws iron, bites steel:
Grinds hard stones to meal:
Slays king, ruins town,
And beats high mountains down!

[The answer: New Line Cinema's accounting department!]

Thank you, thank you...I'll be here all week. Try the veal and remember to tip the waitress.

There are all sorts of other jokes and one-liners sure to crop up now... "The marketing roads go ever ever on...."

We're also sure to see (another) re-issuing of the Rankin-Bass cartoons from the 1970s.

I didn't really enjoy those movies, but I KNOW for a fact that I'm not the only one humming the "Goblin Town" tune right now....

Admit it....

It could be worse.

You're welcome. THAT ear-worm will be with you for a while.

Bilbo... Bilbo Baggins... Bravest little Hobbit of them all...."

But if I could make two suggestions to the Producers and Director.

First, in re: casting:

There is one man out there that could fill Thorin Oakenshield's sky-blue hood with its long silver tassel:

Brian Blessed.

Yes, he of Blackadder fame. Yes, the same Brian Blessed that was in Branagh's Much Ado About Nothing.

He was also the voice of Boss Nass from Star Wars: Episode 1--The Phantom Menace.

And yes, also Prince Vultan from Flash Gordon.

Ahem.

We'll just ignore that last one, shall we?

Why Brian Blessed, you ask? Well... Mr. Blessed has a nice, booming voice, a morbidly-wicked sense of humor (at least, on screen), and I believe just the right temperament for the King Under the Mountain. I have long been a fan of Mr. Blessed's. His filmography (courtesy of IMDB.com) is quite impressive and varied: Dr. Who; Blake 7; The Avengers; I, Claudius; Henry V; MacGyver; Macbeth; King Lear; Waiting for Godot.

Wow.

So why not add Tolkien to that list?

His IMDB.com bio says: "Boisterous Brit Brian Blessed is known for his hearty, king-sized portrayals on film and TV. A giant of a man accompanied by an eloquent wit and booming, operatic voice[.]" There you have it: Hearty; king-sized; eloquent wit; booming operatic voice. (We'll ignore the "giant" part, as that can be addressed through visual effects.)

One last argument in favor: he's 4 inches shorter than John Rhys-Davies (a.k.a. Gimli).

My second recommendation: you simply MUST begin the movie with an introductory narrative as Jackson did in The Fellowship of the Ring. The Hobbit just would not be The Hobbit without

In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.
Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.
It had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle. The door opened on to a tube-shaped hall like a tunnel: a very comfortable tunnel without smoke, with panelled walls, and floors tiled and carpeted, provided with polished chairs.

This narrative could easily be matched with a visual tour of the hobbit-hole, as well as Hobbiton and various hobbits, much like Fellowship.

O.K. I'm getting too excited.

I'm going to stop here and go back to work.

Just as soon as I finish this next chapter of The Hobbit. Let's see...where was I?

Ah yes...

Bilbo had sniffed more than once at what he called 'all this dwarvish racket,' as they went along, though I don't suppose you or I would have noticed anything at all on a windy night, not if the whole cavalcade had passed two feet off.

Ahhhh...My precioussss....

R.I.P.

Daisy, Daisy.... Give me your answer do....

A Grandmaster of Science Fiction died last week.

I thought about noting the passing of Sir Arthur C. Clarke at the time, but it's taken me this long to formulate my thoughts about him sufficiently to put into words.

I didn't really like his work.

Don't get me wrong, 2001: A Space Odyssey was an important movie in many ways. Who knows if we'd have Star Wars or Battlestar Galactica, or any of a dozen-plus other movies/series without it. I suppose it's also an important book, but I have to admit to two things: First, the movie--to me--is nearly unwatchable. I think I may have accomplished the feat twice (?). And second--again IMHO--the book is even more unreadable. I've heard that you have to read the book to understand the movied; maybe therein lies my problem with the movie.

I will agree, however, that the effects and editing in the movie are fantastic. The transition from a falling, rotating bone (humanity's supposed "first tool") to a (technically) falling, rotating space vehicle (humanity's supposed "latest tool") is still riveting. The rotating wheels, exercising in space, the velcro-shod stewardesses: all amazing and classic imagery.

And no-one can call themselves a sci-fi afficionado without professing a fascination with the HAL 9000. (Did you know that HAL's name was a play on "IBM," did you know that? One of the original Trivial Pursuit questions, I believe.) I have a 386 computer in the basement, the hard drive of which is loaded with HAL 9000 quotes and sounds.

And I have to admit to having carried a copy of The Hammer of God on my honeymoon. Loving books like I do, I go NOWHERE without one. My LW tolerates that habit of mine. (Even driving the Horde to the library, I will often have a book in the car, just in case I get stuck in the car waiting for them at the store, etc.)
That being said, The Hammer of God wasn't even cracked open until we returned home from the honeymoon. So there.

I found his Rama books somewhat entertaining, too.

That's about it.

However, I'm still a little upset by his death. I hate to see the Old Guard go. There's a LOT of bad modern science fiction out there now; much of it is even more unreadable than I consider 2001, and for different reasons. There's a lot of crap. Even some of the "big names" have fallen into the trap. A lot of the "hard" science fiction novels become a vehicle for the technology at the expense of a story. There is nothing wrong with intelligent science fiction, so long as there is a story as well.

The storytellers are leaving us and we're stuck with the merchandisers and the (pseudo-)intelligentsia.

Alas.

Sir Clarke did leave us with the satellite and the idea of the space elevator. And I believe he was, truly, a storyteller. I may not have liked a lot of what he did, but I have a lot of respect for what he did...and for his mind.

I doff my hat, bow my head, and wish he could tell us: is it, in fact, full of stars?

Goodbye, Sir.

We'll see you again on the other side.

R.I.P.

Someone who had a great influence on my life died this week.

I didn’t know him. I never met him.

I think it’s safe to say that we probably were never even in the same state at the same time.

But my life has been changed because of his life and career.

He was about 40 years old. Nearly the age I am now. Five years earlier he had co-created a game that was about to take the country by storm. His name was Gary Gygax.

As part of my parents’ attempt at “improving my character” and “teaching me responsibility” they would sign me up for school fund-raising projects, sending me around our neighborhood and to other family members selling things. Gift cards. Wrapping paper. Yeah . . . a nine-year-old boy selling wrapping paper and gift cards.

Anyway, you probably remember these projects: as you sold more product you were eligible for better and better prizes from which you could choose. Most of the prizes were the cheap kind of crap you would find at a carnival, but every so often there was a nugget of wonderfulness mixed in with the turds. I got my first telescope this way--a telescope I had and used until just before I got married.

And then there was a little red box.

I still remember coming home from school and finding the package waiting for me.

I can still remember sitting in the basement, in front of our giant console television (remember: this was the Seventies, so EVERYBODY’S televisions were giant consoles). Opening the box and seeing the red box inside, the fierce dragon snarling from the box cover, where it lay across its hoarded gold. The red of the box contrasted with the dark green-and-blue shag carpeting on the floor.

Like so many others of that age, and many, many others since, an early introduction to Tolkein had instilled in me a fascination for dragons and dwarves, orcs and warriors.

I can still remember opening the box and finding the book, a map, some odd plastic dice, and a crayon. You were supposed to rub the crayon over the dice to fill in the numbers. I never did--and I still have the dice to prove it.

I was nine and about to embark on a journey that would change my life.

Thank you, Gary.

Soon after that came the lead figures. Yes, lead. Every box had huge warnings not to eat the little warriors and monsters. Like I ever would, but even then, Lawyers Reigned Supreme. Even dragons couldn’t slay their Timely Advice. DO NOT EAT THE LEAD, they decreed. I would sit in the basement, in my older brother’s old room, and slapped dabs of old oil-based model paint (Testors, I believe) all over these models. Gargoyles. Genies. Centaurs, pegasi, and unicorns. A few warriors, especially dwarves. I liked dwarves. I even had a monster called a Drider: picture a centaur, but instead of a horse’s body, it had the body of a giant tarantula.

I still have those figures. The tarantula body is painted gold. One of the gargoyles wields a bloody sword.

Remember: DO NOT EAT THE LEAD.

One of my closest childhood friends joined me in the journey. I met him at school. He cracked wise and I punched him in the back of the head.

Hard.

He still claims he has neck and back trouble because of my punch. I doubt that.

But still, we became instant friends.

He wove some tales and took me on some adventures that I will never forget.

Thank you, Gary.

From that red box, we soon moved to a generic sci-fi game, quickly remodeling it and creating new rules so that our characters could wield “laser swords” and use power eerily similar to the Force. From there we migrated to super-powered characters, destroying whole city blocks with our Battles Versus Evil.

From there, we went to building automobiles with machine guns and tank weapons built into their frames. We were installing electric power plants in cars before the Prius was even a sparkle in some demented auto-worker’s eye.

We fell out of touch after that, but I still played --by myself, when necessary-- and then with a small group of friends in High School. We advanced to building and commanding starships for Star Fleet and journeying through Time and Space in our own versions of the Tardis.

Then Graduation happened, and I put these games away for a while as I started college; they stayed put away because I never found anyone on campus to play with me.

My parents were never too approving of the games. They were happy to see the games put away. There were too many rumored news stories about how evil these games were, how they would adversely affect a growing child’s mind, psyche, emotions, social skills, etc.

Well, I think I’m pretty well-adjusted right now, thank you.

(As well-adjusted as ANYONE can be after law school, that is.)

I learned how to spar verbally, how to express myself, and developed my imagination, reasoning skills, logic skills, and how to channel my emotions.

You don’t think that helped me in college? In law school? In Practice?

Dang straight.

The point is this: that little red box helped spawn an idea, that little red box helped a newly-birthed industry take hold and grow. Without that little red box, all of those other journeys may never have taken place.

And where would I be? I honestly don’t know.

A few years ago, several years out of law school as I left my last clerkship and was trapped in a lousy, dead-end job with a little pissant general practice firm. A married friend of ours came up one day and asked if I’d ever gamed. If I’d ever had that little red box.

And my life changed again.

Thank you, Gary.

I was able to stand up, leave the firm, and walk into a better position. I gained a host of new, good friends. Several of whom are like brothers. I started painting figures again, to relax and blow off steam. I dare say, I’m a pretty fair painter now, although I still like looking at the sloppy, messy attempts from nearly thirty years ago. They’re a bit of nostalgia. I've got a large collection of painted figures now and an even larger collection of unpainted figures. Lots of dwarves. I still like dwarves.

Just don’t eat the lead.

But they're not lead anymore.

I'd still say not to eat them, though.

I’ve met several others in my profession who are gamers, either present or past. Friendships have been strengthened through the common experience. It’s a bond that has significantly helped some negotiations, to be honest. And thereby helped my clients.

Thank you, Gary.

I’ve started writing again, something I haven’t done since I started law school. I have several novels in the works right now, something else that helps me blow off steam after a long hellish day at the office.

Thank you, Gary.

A few years ago, we moved my mother-in-law out of her house. In doing so, I found numerous boxes with my LW’s stuff in them, stuff we’d never moved out after the wedding.

In one of those boxes, I found a little red box. The same little red box.

The numbers on her dice were colored in, though.

The miniatures were unpainted.

Even a dwarf.

Heh.

I learned something about my LW: she was (or had been) one of "US." Something we had in common that we’d never realized. Something else that we can talk about and enjoy. I’ve even gamed with her since then, until the Horde grew too large and unmanageable from the gaming table.

Someday I may introduce the Horde to the modern version of the little red box.

Thank you, Gary.

I told you I was a geek.

Thank you, Gary.


***

Excuse me now, I've failed my Will Save, and I'm tearing up a bit.

So I'll just kneel here for a while, leaning on my warhammer, and contemplete the unseen bier in front of me. Much like the film version of Gimli kneeling before Balin's tomb, but without the wailing.

Thank you, Gary.

I never knew him, but I owe a lot of who I am to him.

Thank you, Gary.

And rest well.

It's Life, Jim, but not as we know it....

OK. We've already established that I AM A GEEK. I proudly proclaim it.

And this just strengthens my convictions!





Accrding to the stats on the test, I scored a 149 for trekkiness. Out of 20,977 unique test takers, 3% scored higher, and 97% scored lower. The average raw score is 101.9.

Ahead Warp Factor 4!