How to End a Career

I often ponder the prospect of someday quitting the practice of law. Any more, it's not a career path I wish to be on in twenty years.

Heck...I don't "wish" to be on the path tomorrow.
But I digress.

When I consider quitting the practice, of course the first thought is always: How do you expect to support your family? Nice trap you've fallen into, Iggy.

Yes. Sometimes when I'm alone I call myself Iggy.
But again: digression.

When I consider quitting the practice, the SECOND thought is often: What spectacular thing can I do on my last day in the practice that will leave my mark in the minds and hearts of my colleagues and live in court-lore forever?

Over the past fourteen years or so, many MANY ideas have crossed my mind...most of them drop-dead hilarious and many of them questionably legal/ethical. (Hence why they would be done on my LAST day of practice. See?) But no matter how good they have been,
this story today (courtesy of foxnews.com) just gave me what may be the #1 on my list...

An Air Canada flight en route from Toronto to London had to make an emergency landing after its co-pilot apparently suffered a nervous breakdown, according to the Daily Mail.

The Boeing 767 was flying at 37,000 feet over the Atlantic Ocean when the unidentified co-pilot began shouting and "invoking God" and had to be restrained, the Daily Mail reported.

Crew members and a passenger, who happened to be in the armed forces, held down the man, shackling his wrists and ankles and tying him to a seat.

The flight made an emergency landing in Shannon, Ireland, and the co-pilot was taken off the plane crying and yelling, according to the Daily Mail.

He was being treated at a psychiatric ward for what was believed to be a nervous breakdown.

I must confess, though. As I write this, I'm thinking of some REALLY good "departure" ideas that are coming back to my mind; ones I just cannot bring myself to share (again, legality and ethics).

This one is definitely in the top five, however.

Just imagine... standing and saying, "Excuse me, Your Honor" and then dissolving into a screaming tirade, waving your arms and invoking God...causing the Federal Court security officers to rush and restrain you? Priceless....

OK.

Maybe top three.

Smarter than an 8th Grader?

Wow. I'm pleasantly surprised.

I really did not expect to do as well as I did, to be embarassingly honest.

There's a reason, after all, that I went to Law School . . . Math and Science just aren't my friends!

But at least I could hold my own against a small classroom of five-year-olds!
25

"I Understand There is Also a Cannon."

According to this story fromReuter's, a British farmer built a castle on his land and then--to avoid zoning or planning regulations--hid the entire thing behind hay bales.

I wish I had a picture of the home.

Heck. I wish I had the home.

The spokeswoman for the Reigate and Banstead Borough Council describes the home as looking "like a mock-Tudor house from the front" and adding "it's got two turrets at the back." In addition, there is "an associated conservatory, marquee structure, wooden bridge, patio, decking and tarmac racecourse."

All of this hidden behind bales of hay?

That's a heck of a lot of hay!

Apparently no one noticed their comings and goings, let alone the construction? Again from the spokeswoman: "I think the neighbors thought there might be something going on but it is difficult to tell, isn't it?"

Ya think?!?

I don't want THESE neighbors in my neighborhood watch, I'll tell you that much. ["Honey? Did the Montanas buy a moving van recently? I saw one parked at their place last week while they were on vacation."]

Oh, and my favorite line of the story? The spokeswoman said, "I understand there is also a cannon."

Deities and Irony (**Warning: Black humor**)

From news.com.au (although I found it on The Jawa Report, a little story that proves Deities understand humor, irony, and above all-- slapstick comedy.

It would all be so funny if it were not for the innocent deaths.

The story? Dateline--Afghanistan, January 24, 2008.

The would-be attacker tripped as he was leaving a building apparently to target an opening ceremony for a mosque that was expected to be attended by Afghan and international military officials, said Sakhi Mir.

"Coming down the stairs, he fell down and exploded. Two civilian women and a man were wounded,'' Mir said.

Wikipedia--Yeah, I know, gimme a break. I know that Wikipedia isn't the fount of all wisdom and knowledge, let alone accuracy, but it works for my purposes here--Wikipedia has this to say about slapstick comedy:

the performance of slapstick comedy--based on exquisite timing and unerring calculation of execution, character reaction, and audience laughter--is considered among the more difficult tasks facing a live performer.

What makes this story even funnier? (and yes, we ARE allowed to laugh at the story--Wikipedia tells us: "The style is common to those genres of entertainment in which the audience is supposed to understand the very hyperbolic nature of such violence to exceed the boundaries of common sense and thus license non-cruel laughter." [Emphasis added.]
What makes it even funnier is the additional information the article provides:

It was the second such incident in two days, with another man killing himself and three others on Tuesday when his bomb-filled waistcoat exploded as he was putting it on....

Talk about a Technicolor Dreamcoat!

Now if there were only some way to thank these gentlemen for the hard work they put into making us all laugh. They had it all: unerring calculation of execution, tremendous character reaction--all of it.

Oh wait...I remember! They don't need any payment from us, their appreciative public.

They're getting virgins!

It can't ALL be stress and anxiety....

I fully understand and appreciate that clients get nervous and uptight where court hearins are concerned. Anxiety over their case can certainly translate into a state approaching genetic stupidity.
I can buy that.

But c'mon.
Some people are just plain stupid.

Evidence: I sat in court today and watched an attorney argue for confirmation of his clients' Chapter 13 case. (For the uninitiated: The confirmation hearing is a hearing that takes place to give all sides a place to "air grievances" and to allow the Judge to rule on these issues. It is the time/place where the Judge puts the final stamp of approval on the Chapter 13 case so that it can go forward.)

So, as I said, I'm sitting watching this attorney argue with the Chapter 13 Trustee's attorney and a creditor's attorney over different issues. Other attorneys in the courtroom are all checking their watches, as we all have better places to be.
Finally, these issues are all resolved and the Judge asks one further question. The attorney asks for a moment to consult with his client.

And thus it begins.

He talks.

And talks.

And talks some more.

The Judge takes this opportunity to blow his nose.

And still they're talking.

Finally, after what must have been over five minutes, the attorney steps back to the microphone and after apologizing to the Court for the time spent, says that in the interest of judicial economy, he has to alert the Court that his clients just can't make the case work and are going to allow the case to dismiss. The Judge complies and dismisses the case.

Here's what happened: Apparently the debtors owed nearly $20,000 in mortgage arrears. Their Chapter 13 Plan indicated they were going to let the house go to the bank. This Plan was filed in November 2007. Apparently, the husband and wife don't ever discuss their individual intentions regarding the house. Now, sitting at the table in court, the wife says, "Yes, we're going to let the house go," while the husbands says, "WHAT?! I'm not giving up my house." The attorney eventually says, "Fine...you don't want to give up the house, and these arrears make your plan infeasibile, so you're OK with dismissing the case?" and the debtors agree.

Cut to the hallway outside the courtroom.

The debtors proceed to take the attorney apart because "they only had thirty seconds" in which to make this important decision.

Never mind they've had two full months.

Never mind that they were the ones that fell behind on their mortgage in the first place.

Never mind that they were the ones that couldn't decide on a unified intention.

It's all the attorney's fault.

Let the castigation begin!

The finger-pointing went on for at least ten minutes until the wife stormed from the courthouse in tears.
And all the attorney could do was sit there and wonder WHY he ever went to law school.

That, incidentally, is the same question I ask myself at least four times a week.

The first step is admitting it

OK. Apparently I'm a geek.
I always knew I was...but now I've been validated. I also know just how BIG a geek I am.

84% Geek

It's a good thing my LW and the Horde love me so much!