Constructive Thoughts: Loneliness

It has been four years since my father passed away. About six months before that happened, I began suffering from what I now know to be depression. It has waxed and waned during that time, never getting to a point I would call “crippling.”

Until three years ago. At that time I went through a period of unbelievable stress and trials, both personally and professionally, as I started up my own small law firm. At about the same time, I began suffering from some medical issues that, among other things, enhanced my depression and affected my thinking processes, making it take longer--and be more physically exhausting--to make decisions. Coincidentally, a close friend of mine bought out his senior partner about 20 months ago and he learned nothing from my plight: he burned out his adrenal system and has been going through a living hell.

The depression has been growing steadily worse. Some days it is nearly crippling, to the point where it is difficult to get out of bed, shower, get to the office--everything that is temporally important in life.

Constructive Thoughts: What Matters Most

This morning my Facebook page blew up. I am sure your page did as well.

The vitriol I have seen since the concession and victory speeches last night has been staggering.

Actually, no. Saddening is a much better description.

I could weep and wail and gnash teeth about things that happened in various races in various places. I would suspect that any 50% of the people in the country could do the same thing. Some of what happened actually makes me a bit less proud to be an American. Honestly.

But what makes me really regret being an American is the vitriol. Being lumped in with that crowd is embarrassing. Truly. As I have pondered my situation and the situation of my fellow countrymen and women, I was prompted to re-read something. When I did, I felt both hope and humility enter my heart and mind.

I want to share with you the following words, said stronger and more eloquently than I could say them.

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Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. . . .

Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family. One day each of us will run out of tomorrows. . . . Our realization of what is most important in life goes hand in hand with gratitude for our blessings. . . .

“For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift? Behold, he rejoices not in that which is given unto him, neither rejoices in him who is the giver of the gift.” (Doctrine and Covenants 88:33)

 . . .

Despite the changes which come into our lives and with gratitude in our hearts, may we fill our days—as much as we can—with those things which matter most. May we cherish those we hold dear and express our love to them in word and in deed.

In closing, I pray that all of us will reflect gratitude for our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. His glorious gospel provides answers to life’s greatest questions: Where did we come from? Why are we here? Where does my spirit go when I die?

He taught us how to pray. He taught us how to serve. He taught us how to live. His life is a legacy of love. The sick He healed; the downtrodden He lifted; the sinner He saved.

The time came when He stood alone. Some Apostles doubted; one betrayed Him. The Roman soldiers pierced His side. The angry mob took His life. There yet rings from Golgotha’s hill His compassionate words, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34.) . . . Let us follow Him. Let us emulate His example. Let us obey His word. By so doing, we give to Him the divine gift of gratitude.

Brothers and sisters, my sincere prayer is that we may adapt to the changes in our lives, that we may realize what is most important, that we may express our gratitude always and thus find joy in the journey. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

~Thomas S. Monson, Finding Joy In The Journey, Ensign, Nov. 2008. (Emphasis added.)

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That would be my prayer as well, for all of my friends and readers... not just today, but every day, let us pause and consider what matters most in each of our lives and let us express gratitude to He who has given us what we have.

I wish to express my humble gratitude to my Father in Heaven for the many blessings that I have and continue to receive from His hands. I also wish to say "thank you" to my friends, family, and readers for all you have brought and continue to bring to my life.

God bless you all, and God bless the United States of America.

Constructive Thoughts: Hope

My apologies for the delays in posting. I believe that I have been suffering from a form of depression for the past several months. It has steadily getting worse and I have been finding myself with seemingly less to say and less desire to say it. I am working on breaking through, however. Slowly but surely.

That brings me to these thoughts I have been having lately.

We are living in a world where, perhaps more than at any other time, we face daily uncertainty and unrest in every area of our lives. We have brothers and sisters who wake each day filled with despair over finances, employment, their lives, or the lives of loved ones. To these, life seems truly hopeless. The adversary’s influence is rampant and seems unstoppable.

Remember, however, that God is a God of Hope.

True hope is not to be found in the policies or philosophies of Man, no matter how well-meaning they appear. True hope comes, not as the world giveth, but as He giveth: it comes from the doctrines of the Gospel, such as faith in the Lord and obedience to the Commandments.

What better place to find hope than in the House of the Lord? Temple attendance brings many blessings; one such is the glimpse we have of the Eternities that brings us Peace and bolsters our faith and hope. This gift of hope is a sacred gift which is ours for the taking. Through obedience, faith, and temple service, may each of us remember the source of true hope and strive to receive this into our lives.

Constructive Thoughts: Dad, Part 2

I wish today to celebrate with my family and friends the life of my father: our brother, granddad, and friend. I tried desperately to find a quotation from Dad’s favorite author, Louis L’Amour, but nothing seemed to fit–everything was filled with flying lead and oats. So I went to one of his other favorite authors, Victor Hugo, who wrote that “There are times that no matter the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees.” The past few weeks have been full of those times for me and my family. On behalf of my mother and all of our family let me again express our gratitude for the love you had for our father and for the outpouring of love and respect we have seen.

Father’s Day was difficult for me, my brothers, and my mother this year. But what better time to be able to remember what Dad meant to us? What a fitting time to celebrate his life and memory? And what a great time to consider the fact that he has gone ahead to prepare the way for us, and the fact that we will see him again? That our separation will be, in the grand scheme of things, only a little while. How wonderful is the thought that my children can embrace him once again, that we can sit at his feet and listen to his stories? That we can be together, forever, as a famliy?

And this is possible because nearly a millennium ago, an individual knelt in a garden and prayed to his Father. He was known as the “Carpenter’s son,” yet he was the Son of God. It was there, in that garden, that he took upon himself the sins of all mankind, the sins of all the world, both past, present, and future. It was an event that had been foretold by prophets throughout history.

It was there in that garden that night, as he bled from every pore, that Christ, “The Son of Man . . . descended below . . . all.” [D&C 122:8]
This was “the blood that maketh an atonement for the soul.” [Leviticus 17:11]
“Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world.” [John 1:29]
“Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows . . . he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities . . . and with his stripes we are healed.” [Isaiah 53:4-5]
“He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.” [Isaiah 53:3]
“God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” [John 3:16]

The agony he suffered in that garden is unfathomable to us, both in intensity and in cause. But the gift that he gave us through that suffering is also marvelous, magnificent. On that night, Jesus shouldered the burdens of all of our transgressions -— my transgressions and your transgressions. I added to his anguish that night, as did each one of us. But he picked up that burden and took it upon himself so that a price would be paid. That price was paid so that I might escape, and so that you might escape, the required punishments that correspond to our sins. The scriptures tell us that the gift is ours if we but believe in him, accept his gift, repent and be baptized, receive the gift of the holy ghost, and to continue faithfully to observe and keep the commandments all the days of our lives. Christ gifted us with salvation from spiritual death, which grants us eternal life with our heavenly father.

Many years ago, a newspaper writer was asked, “What would be the most important news story the world could receive?” Think about how you would answer that question: would it be the development of the atomic bomb? Man walking on the moon? The death of a (fill in the blank) celebrity? The assassination of a president? After some thought the reporter finally answered that the most important story he could report would be that a man that had lived and died had come back to life; and specifically that Jesus Christ was truly resurrected and lives today.

No event in all history compares to the importance of the resurrection of Christ. Because of this gift all mankind will come forth, each in his own order. We will live eternally. We will be resurrected and overcome physical death.

Isn’t this a joyous, glorious message? It means that we will one day be reunited with Dad. I bear you my testimony that this Gospel principle is true; the Atonement is real — Christ has given us gifts that will liberate our spirit and our body from the bonds of death and allow us to live in God’s presence forever.

We are understandably sad. We have lost a loved one. I should restate that; I do not like that phrase. We have not “lost” Dad —- We know exactly where he is. He is with his loving parents, grandparents, and in-laws, his brothers and his close friends that preceded him from this earth. The list goes on and on. To paraphrase David O. McKay, a former President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: “[Our father] closed [his] eyes in peaceful slumber, and awakened with loved ones.” While no one mortal was with him when he passed from this life, the speed with which the event happened, and how he looked afterwards attests to the fact that his last minutes were indeed peaceful; it was indeed as if he was only sleeping when his spirit left this world. His pain and suffering were removed from him.

It has been written that “Death is the liberator of him whom freedom cannot release; the physician of him whom medicine cannot cure; the comforter of him whom time cannot console.” [Charles Caleb Colton] Dad has been liberated. He is happy. He is youthful, and joyful once again, just as he was before the travails of mortal life began to take him away from us. We know where he is and we rejoice in who he is once more.

Yet we are filled with sorrow. Our sorrow is understandable, it is human: it is sorrow for us, not for him. Speaking for myself, as I have elsewhere here, it is a sorrow born of selfishness. In spite of knowing where he is and who he is with, I still want him back as a part of my everyday life. Dad is no longer physically present to talk to, to listen to our stories and concerns. We can no longer hear his stories, get his advice, or see or hear, except in our hearts and minds, his smile and his laugh. We can no longer go to him for advice and we can no longer learn from him skills such as woodworking. I cannot call him during a college football game and complain about a referee’s call or rave about an amazing play. These are the things that I am sorrowful for — the things that I have lost.

When I consider this, and think about the precepts of Christ’s gospel and turn my thoughts from an inward focus to an outward focus, when I consider these things and think about where dad is and who he is with, not to mention the fact that we will see him again in time, then my sorrow is lessened and the pain eases. He has graduated from the test of mortality to an institution of higher learning.

It is a change of attitude that is required. Anyone that knew Dad well knew that attitude was an important concept to him. It was something that he tried with his sons at an early age to instill: “ATTITUDE MAKES THE DIFFERENCE.” He was forever reminding us of this principle. Growing up, one of the most oft-heard phrases in the home was my father telling one us to “CHECK YOUR ATTITUDE!” It was his way of telling us to shape up. Eventually it got to just simply “CHECK IT!” That was one of those times you knew you were in trouble.

In my scriptures I still carry a laminated card that I made on my mission that reads “AMTD” — an acronym that Dad used when even “Check it!” didn’t work. “Attitude makes the difference.” My friends, to all who knew Dad: “Check your attitude.” Do not dwell on the sorrow, do not dwell on the pain. Negative attitudes are of the Adversary. Remember instead a man who very patiently, hour after hour, threw a baseball to his youngest son in the front yard -— a son who was somehow completely incompetent and inept in the handling of a baseball glove. Remember a man who learned to fly a plane, who flew around the world, while sitting with his brother on a log in a meadow in Southern Idaho. Remember a man who never failed to bring home from a business trip some treat for his youngest son, whether it be a Matchbox car or a bag of airline peanuts, even though that son fairly quickly realized that -— more than likely -— most of those treats were sent with him by my mother. Remember a man who always came home. Remember a man who did all he could to find work to support his family, while not allowing his family to suffer or, at least in my case, to even know that the family was struggling. Remember a man who grabbed every task set before him and performed it to the utmost of his ability, whether it was working, woodworking, whether it was supporting the University, or whether it was teaching the Gospel and sharing his testimony of the Lord. Remember a man who labored faithfully in the Temple of the Lord each week, even when his own physical health was declining, who begged to be allowed to serve the Lord, even when he physically could no longer do it. Remember a man who freely shared his testimony of the Savior to anyone that would hear it. Remember a man who walked ready and unafraid to the veil which separates this world from the next.

Most importantly, remember a man that is now free from pain and free forever from the specter of Death. The poet John Donne penned these fitting words, “One short sleep past, we wake eternally, and Death shall be no more: Death, thou shalt die!” Because of our Savior’s gifts to us, our beloved father, brother, granddad, and friend yet lives, in a higher place. Because of our Savior’s gifts, we can be assured of seeing him again one day; we can embrace him as he one day meets us on the other side of mortality.

I want to leave you today with the words of Norman Macleod:

We picture death as coming to destroy; let us rather picture Christ as coming to save.
We think of death as ending; let us rather think of life as beginning, and that more abundantly.
We think of losing; let us think of gaining.
We think of parting, let us think of meeting.
We think of going away; let us think of arriving.
As the voice of Death whispers “You must go from Earth,” let us hear the voice of Christ saying, “You are but coming to me!”

“Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.” [John 8:12] “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” [John 14:27]

Dad still lives and we shall see him once again, in a better place. I know this for a fact. May we, each one of us, feel within us the peace that the Savior promised, and may our attitudes reflect joy and peace. This is my prayer for all of us who knew Dad. I leave this with all of you -- whether you knew Dad or not -- along with my testimony of these things, in the name of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Face of Evil

Today I came face to face with evil.

Evil, actually, with the capital "E."

Background: When the clients come in to sign their cases, I have usually met with them several times to answer questions, etc. After they're done signing I will meet with them so that they can ask any final questions, discuss any finer points of their case for the last time before filing, as well as to explain once again the bankruptcy process and the time-line.

This particular couple was signing their case and reviewing their paperwork. My receptionist came into my office with a warning that he was going to have questions about how to account for his charitable contributions. She is not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and so does not really understand all the lingo, vocabulary, and ins-and-outs, so she did not question his statement that he was a "card-carrying member" of the Church, and allegedly showed her his card.

Now, I am not sure what kind of card he showed her, exactly, but when he told her that he pays tithing not to the LDS Church, but a Church of his own founding, I had to start questioning the situation. After doing a little digging on the internet, I found out that this man had been excommunicated fifteen years ago; I could not find a reason or explanation for the excommunication other than that he no longer felt the Church was teaching the Gospel, and had not for over one hundred years. He is also a self-proclaimed prophet and discounts any authority held by any prophet following Joseph Smith.

It was a troubling and disturbing experience--literally an anti-Church screed. I have read anti-LDS materials before, but this was completely different than anything else I had read. The vitriol poured from my computer screen.

He spends a lot of time bemoaning his situation and calls himself a lone voice in the wilderness. What he is from all indications ia an anti-Christ.

Not "THE" but "AN" anti-Christ.

Just so we are clear, I will define my terms. Anti-Christ: An opponent to Christ, the Gospel, and His Church.

He reminded me of Korihor, except that he proclaimed a belief in Christ. Of course, it was not the Christ I know and love. I would argue that this doesn't preclude him from being an anti-Christ. Yes, it's an odd argument, but one can believe in Christ and still work against him. One can believe in "a" Christ and still work against his true Gospel and against His Church.

I wasn't online long enough to discover any of his in-depth issues with the Church, but I was there long enough to start to feel the darkness gather in my office.

Then I brought the couple into my little office for our chat.

All of the Light in my office vanished. Against my will, my nature, my judgment, and my normal custom, I became extremely nervous that he would see my Scriptures on my credenza or my Temple picture on the shelf. I have never -- NEVER -- been ashamed or embarrassed of these objects and I was not today. Rather, I did not want a confrontation; I simply wanted him out of my office immediately.

He started our chat with the information that he had been excommunicated, as if he were proud of it. He probably was and is, come to think of it. The conversation went downhill from there. The room filled with a spiritual darkness the longer he talked, a darkness like I have never felt before. It may sound corny or melodramatic...unless you have actually felt it, experienced it.

I have no idea what I told him or what we discussed. I do remember that I had difficulty thinking and formulating thoughts and words. And it was not simply distraction; it was a physical difficulty.

I do not want to spend much more time on this story; perhaps I have already said too much. I left the office right after they did and found myself having to take extreme measures to cast away the darkness. It was quite a while before I felt better.

Satan is real.

He is not a cartoon character, he is not a "concept."

He is real.

I think that I have felt the tiniest bit of what the Prophet Joseph describes in the account of the First Vision.

Again, Satan is real. His servants are everywhere and they are cunning.

But the good news? We have the Truth and the Light on our side; so long as we are on the Lord's side, we can have hope and look to Him for guidance and protection.

The Light will triumph and prevail, of this I have faith. Good will conquer Evil; Good is stronger than Evil, always.

Christ is my Redeemer and my Savior. He is real; He lives. His people shall ultimately overcome the world and have eternal life and exaltation.

There will be no more Darkness. Only Light. His Light. All He asks is that we come unto Him and follow His word.

It is just that easy.

This is my testimony to you, in His name.

Merry Christmas!

I just wanted to take a moment from my hectic day (yes, I am at the office, even though the courts are closed today) and wish all of you, my friends, a Merry Christmas. May you get the gifts you want, give the gifts your friends and family need, and may you carry with you the spirit of Christ. After all, it is because of Him that we celebrate at this time of year.

May His love -- He who is to be called "Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace." -- May His love fill your heart and mind, and may you receive all the blessings you need and deserve.

I will see you on the other side.

(Where did I put the Scotch Tape?)

Constructive Thoughts: The Elders

Dear Elders Fowler and Marsh:

Thank you for allowing me the pleasure of seeing my old missionary apartment again. I apologize for imposing last night and dropping in like I did. Especially as I was dragging four or five friends along for the ride. I will say, to your credit, you acquitted yourselves well: You took the visit in stride, your apartment was clean, you were gracious hosts, and you behaved quite appropriately in front of my non-member friend who accompanied me. When I awoke this morning, my first thoughts were of you two good Elders and my need to thank you.

While I had friends with me, I am sorry that my wife could not join me on this trip. She has joined me frequently in the past; I am waiting for the day when I can bring my entire family along. That day will have to wait, though. I am only human and can only do so much with these trips at the present time.

It was nice to see my old area and my old apartment again. I have a lot of fond memories for that apartment and that city, as it was my second area on the island. Obviously, as you know, much has changed with the apartment, however, and I have forgotten much about the area. Time was, I could re-walk the streets of that city--each city in which I served--with my eyes closed and never miss a beat. Now? I'm afraid that the passage of time is stealing my memories.

I never thought I would say that.

I thought that my experiences and feelings were indelibly locked in my mind. They're slipping away, however, along with my vocabulary--many of the words and phrases I used on a daily, hourly basis are gone, unreachable through the barrier of time.

Enjoy the time you spend on your mission, in the Lord's service. One thing is clear to me now: you cannot go back to this time, no matter how great your want or need to do so. I remember in my own experience that there were many Elders who returned to the island to try and teach again, or to recapture the happiness and spirit that they felt while on their mission. They all failed; some of them failed miserably. I am not able to visit ofen; it is such a long way to go on such short notice, and for such a short time. Normally, my visits are preceded by a long bout of high stress. While I am there, I can forget all that stress, eat good food, talk and think in a marvelous second language, and immerse myself in my memories. The visits give me a mental and emotional vacation from my real world. I can almost feel the years melting away, the layers of my mind peeling back to return me to places and friends that I have lost.

But it is not the same.

Work hard and keep your focus. That is the best counsel I could possibly give from this far removed, both in space and in time. Work hard and keep your focus. The one is easy if you do the other; they are inextricably linked. I have only one regret about my mission. I can admit this now, although it has taken a very, very long time to be able to express this thought to someone else.

I was given poor advice by a well-meaning older brother who thought he was looking out for his kid brother. Because of the depth of the love and respect I had for him I disregarded the repeated counsel of two mission presidents (one in the Missionary Training Center ("MTC") and one on island) and listened to my brother instead. I can even admit to a bit of hero-worship coming into play in this regard. My brother could do no wrong, and I am afraid that I crowed his advice from the rooftops to all who would listen. I can only pray that I did not lead any other person astray by my transmission of the bad advice. What was this advice? I was told that the mission experience was, first and foremost, for me, for my growth, for my learning. Everything else--conversions, numbers, etc.--was purely secondary.

Wrong. The work is not secondary. Sharing the Gospel is not secondary. Your growth as a missionary, as a person, as a man (or woman, in the case of the Sister Missionaries), as a Child of God: THAT is all secondary. It comes as the work progresses, as you share the love, the spirit, the knowledge that the Gospel brings. Ultimately you enjoy growth and learning that cannot find its equal in any other field of endeavor.

I think this is what my well-meaning brother probably meant. Unfortunately, he did not put it in these terms and I may have wasted a good portion of the short two years alloted to me to preach and teach.

At least, I hope this is what my brother meant. The alternatives are too ugly to consider.

Obey the mission rules and the Commandments. I know this should go without saying, but I watched too many Elders stretch, bend, and yes, even break the rules and (sadly) the Commandments. I broke a few rules of my own, although they were easy to justify. At the time, that is. Looking back, it is not as easy as it once was to rationalize them away. Certainly, these things distract from the service of the Lord, even the little things. Watch yourselves and watch over one another. Do those things that are expected of you and you will be better missionaries and better men for it.

Elders, I hope my letter finds you both well, although I am not sure whether my letter will find you still companions. I have no way of knowing if you even have counterparts in the real world. To me, however, for last night--or a portion of last night--you were both extremely real to me. Elder Marsh: the quiet one with the full head of tall, curly hair, who was from London but had worked Stateside before receiving his mission call. Elder Fowler: the senior companion who did all the talking, yet who managed to talk very little about himself. Thank you for the lessons brought to mind by our brief chance meeting. Thank you for the short piece of your missions that you shared with me, a man twice your age.

Oh yes, Elders, one more thing--a side note, really: enjoy your hair while you have it and your waistlines while you don't have them.

The Gospel is true, Elders. The Book of Mormon is the Word of God, sent to us in this modern dispensation by a loving Heavenly Father as a roadmap to show us the way to return to Him and to live in His presence someday; in His presence with oue families, forever, if we just follow the Commandments we have received. This book was translated by a modern Prophet, who held all the Gospel and Priesthood keys held by Prophets of old. Those keys are held today by another Prophet. What a marvelous thing it is to say: We have a Prophet of the Lord among us, a man such as Moses, Abraham, or Isaiah--a man such as the world knew of old--among us today, sharing the will of God with us, guiding us, teaching us, calling the world to repent and come unto Christ. And most importantly, Jesus is The Christ; He is my Redeemer and Savior, my elder brother.

It is true, Elders.

Believe it and Live it.

I have a testimony of these things, Elders. I share this testimony with you, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Mitt & Huck

OK.
I had wanted to steer clear of this topic, but I feel I have to jump in here. One quick comment to lance the boil and I'll be done with it.

What is all this furor over members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (a.k.a. "Mormons") not being Christians?

The name pretty much says it all: "Church of Jesus Christ." This is not "Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster." It is the Church of JESUS CHRIST.

But then you have the inevitable retort: "But they don't believe in the Christ of the Bible, or the same Christ I believe in."

Well...let's look at that, shall we: (Of course, this post may qualify me as a theo-nerd* or at least a junior theo-nerd. But there you have it. I'll just have to take that risk!)

1. Christ was born in Bethlehem. The whole story about the star, the manger & the inn, the wise men. Herod's extermination order. Fleeing into Egypt. We all together so far?
2. Mother was Mary? Step-father was Joseph, a carpenter?
3. Son of God?
4. John 3:16?
5. Performed miracles--water into wine? raised Lazarus from the dead?
6. Taught in parables--the two debtors? good Samaritan? prodigal son? unjust steward? the ten virgins? Still with me?
7. Sermon on the Mount? the whole fish and loaves thing?
8. Walked on water and calmed the tempest?
9. Taught that He had other sheep, "which are not of this fold" that must also hear his voice?
10. Betrayed by a disciple and rejected by His people?
11. Crucified?
12. Rose again on the third day?
13. Took upon Himself the sins of the world?

So... we're all agreed on these points. But somehow it's not the same Jesus Christ? My Savior is different than your Savior? I see. So, there were TWO individuals in history that, just coincidentally, all did these same things. Now I understand.

Yeah...it's simplistic.

But exactly where do I go wrong? He's either the same or there were more than one.

Period.

Now: can we please get back to figuring out how to turn the runaway train that is this country away from the cliff?

*P.S. Thanks to the guys at Article VI for such a wonderful word as "theo-nerd." It may have originated elsewhere, but that's where I first heard it. I'd recommend going there and reading their stuff when you can; they're much more eloquent than I (like HERE. Just come back when you're done, O.K.?